This is a long-due update to the Valley of Tears outcry I raised in December. Remember the lady I spoke of whose adoption fell through? The update is - it came to fruition after all. She got to adopt a newborn girl. By mid-January, she had her Christmas Miracle. I was speechless. And then never happens.
I struggle because I don't know what these things mean. I don't know if God was merciful or if she just "got lucky". Because - how can we speak of God's mercy when The Right Thing happens amidst so many examples of The Wrong Thing happening?
When a survivor was pulled from the wreckage of Haiti a month after the earthquake, some thank God for that miracle. But what of the hundreds of thousands not shown that mercy? Where does that leave them?
4 comments:
I came upon your blog after seeing the link in your sig on the WTM forums. My daughter passed away at 37 wks in 2007, so my heart immediately ached when I read that you too lost a baby girl. It is impossible for me to understand why God performs miracles (or lets good things happen) to some, while others are left to bury their children 6 feet under ground. It has taken me a long time to not burn with anger when someone complains about staying up all night with her newborn or having a sore back during pregnancy. If only they knew how incredibly blessed they were.
God Bless you and your family!
Michele
I'm so sorry, Michele, to hear of your loss. I completely understand your feelings. I hope you can find peace. I know that is illusive.
My last comment sounded resentful towards those who have never experienced loss, and I apologize. It was not right (or healthy) to feel envious or angry towards others. All I can do is accept it and allow her death to make me appreciate my family more and make me a better wife, mother, and friend.
Michele, I don't think you are wrong to feel envious or angry. That is a normal aspect of grief. I don't think anything heals that except time. I think we all have a dark aspect to ourselves that we don't even know is there until tragedy reveals it to us. In the first year after Lydia died, sometimes I did the most outrageous things! Fortunately, it was usually only before God and the trees of my wooded lot. Once, I took a baseball bat out and beat a tree until I broke the bat. A couple of times, I parked my car in the driveway (alone) and literally yelled and screamed until my throat gave out, "I want my baby girl!!!" I felt like I was looking down at myself from a long way off, witnessing this unhinged, insane woman like it couldn't really be me I was watching. So...yeah. I've known anger. We've hung out.
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