Friday, February 26, 2010

Some Tears are Wiped Away, I Guess, For Some

This is a long-due update to the Valley of Tears outcry I raised in December. Remember the lady I spoke of whose adoption fell through? The update is - it came to fruition after all. She got to adopt a newborn girl. By mid-January, she had her Christmas Miracle. I was speechless. And then never happens.

I struggle because I don't know what these things mean. I don't know if God was merciful or if she just "got lucky". Because - how can we speak of God's mercy when The Right Thing happens amidst so many examples of The Wrong Thing happening?

When a survivor was pulled from the wreckage of Haiti a month after the earthquake, some thank God for that miracle. But what of the hundreds of thousands not shown that mercy? Where does that leave them?

4 comments:

Michele said...

I came upon your blog after seeing the link in your sig on the WTM forums. My daughter passed away at 37 wks in 2007, so my heart immediately ached when I read that you too lost a baby girl. It is impossible for me to understand why God performs miracles (or lets good things happen) to some, while others are left to bury their children 6 feet under ground. It has taken me a long time to not burn with anger when someone complains about staying up all night with her newborn or having a sore back during pregnancy. If only they knew how incredibly blessed they were.

God Bless you and your family!
Michele

Danielle said...

I'm so sorry, Michele, to hear of your loss. I completely understand your feelings. I hope you can find peace. I know that is illusive.

Michele said...

My last comment sounded resentful towards those who have never experienced loss, and I apologize. It was not right (or healthy) to feel envious or angry towards others. All I can do is accept it and allow her death to make me appreciate my family more and make me a better wife, mother, and friend.

Danielle said...

Michele, I don't think you are wrong to feel envious or angry. That is a normal aspect of grief. I don't think anything heals that except time. I think we all have a dark aspect to ourselves that we don't even know is there until tragedy reveals it to us. In the first year after Lydia died, sometimes I did the most outrageous things! Fortunately, it was usually only before God and the trees of my wooded lot. Once, I took a baseball bat out and beat a tree until I broke the bat. A couple of times, I parked my car in the driveway (alone) and literally yelled and screamed until my throat gave out, "I want my baby girl!!!" I felt like I was looking down at myself from a long way off, witnessing this unhinged, insane woman like it couldn't really be me I was watching. So...yeah. I've known anger. We've hung out.